Baby tested negative.

Writing my T3A is a bitch, it really is.

I was talking to Melly about the company I prefer to have on my journeys home. And my train of thought led me to the conclusion that I've been hypocritical. Rising above other people's opinions is never easy, and indifference is not the same as tolerance. I like to think that I've my head wrapped around this pretty good, but y'know, constantly learning.. So yes, keeping myself open to different perspectives. Some semblance of perfect understanding would be a good target to start with, no?

I'm not ready to dive into the deep end yet.
Obviously.

Get the hell away from me, if you know what's good for you.

So something strange happened today. I decided to head to T2 starbucks to get some math done. I approached this table of 3 boys to check if the table next to them is empty. It's wasn't taken so I put my stuff down and got my usual. I returned, and thats when I realised, the dude at that table.. I saw him on the train yesterday. At city hall. Hmm yeah. Prickly strange thing.

We talked, he's cheerful. It was a good encounter.

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.
You're either in, or you're out.

You two are so beautiful, and so bright, it hurts to look.
You two have got it so good.
Some of us just get it so good.

Don't you know I sit around
With my head hanging down
And I wonder, who's lovin' you?

Nothing is mine anymore. (some people are so god-damned nosy)

You know I'll always have a soft spot for you.

This morning I was lying in bed and staring at my ceiling. That's all the calm I get in a day. About half an hour of physical stagnation, as my mind goes wild, sprinting through thoughts, picking up where I left off yesterday. So much movement but none at the same time. I can afford this indulgence during the holidays. But school is starting in 2 days, and it's going to be so tough on us. Priorities are a queer thing. One moment I have them sorted out, the next they're all screwed up.

I'm not too young to know what I want.

I'm not too young to get it.

I'm not too young to know that I'm not doing enough.

Yesterday I studied at T2 starbucks with Kev. It was good catching up =)

Michael Jackson is gone! Cardiac arrest.

Ham it up for the camera, baby

down to you
you're pushing and pulling me
down to you

Last night I caught transformers with Ryan. Just the two of us :) It was loud and action packed. Great entertainment. Haha and the night before I went out with the girls to celebrate Rachel's birthday. The food was nice and my hair was well-behaved. Which reminds me, I should get it trimmed soon. Then last night I got to talking with Kev again, can't believe he joined dance! Haha.

Today I had tuition, then studied with sa for the rest of the day.

You know how you can sit down with someone, feel completely comfortable, knowing you can say anything, yet not needing to say a single thing? I like that feeling.

I'm realistic, but I like to make things complicated. I will probably end up with a job I like, rather than one that pays well. I have many friends. My lover is someone whom I don't need to do much for me, just being there is all that matters. Children in my life will bring colour and brightness. Also I'm pessimistic, but I believe that bad things will pass eventually.

(says the cube)

Frankly I think the assessment is slightly off, but it was fun anyways :)

honey why you calling me so late? gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud.

RECURRING THEME OF MY FRIKKIN LIFE.

Hey today I just realised.. So what if my profile is private? If someone really wants access, out of umm I don't know, DESPERATION, they can always just view via some common friend's account..

YUCK!

Well she had no reason to cut you off just like that. But that was how many years ago? You and I both know I'm not just imagining things, and I hate this!

all this while you're telling yourself-

My mind is an ocean, my body is a temple, I AM A ROCKSTAR

Feeling slightly better today. Wait actually it's feeling slightly better NOW, I was grumpy for most parts of the day.

I can't believe I clean forgot about Yan's dinner.

And I'm itching to sneak out now. Don't know why I didn't think it was a good idea in the first place :) but its always wise to trust my instincts, yes?

I usually get it right.

AND THEN my mind starting wondering to bigger things. Like how young and irresponsible I am.

Like a sailor said, qoute: Ain't that a hole in the boat?

"How lucky can one guy get? I kissed her and she kissed back."

AN HOURGLASS GLUED TO THE TABLE!

Okay I don't feel much like a rockstar anymore. And the smog of Darkness and Doubt is starting to swirl around my ankles. I'm running out of time. This is the one time I'm really starting to think I'm being FOOLISH and DOING THE WRONG THING. The best part is I don't know how to undo the mess I've made.

Of worrying and fear.

McB said courage isn't the opposite of fear. It's faith. He got that off Titus I think. Well I don't care if I need courage or I need faith. I just need SOMETHING. I feel so stupid. And it's making me shit scared.

Like a fella once said, ain't that a kick in the head?

Conversation for hours (It takes some fears to make you trust)

It takes acquired minds to taste this wine,
You can't down it with your eyes.
(We both know who won this one.)

It takes a thought to make a word.
It takes some words to make an action.
And it takes some work to make it work,
It takes some good to make it hurt,
It takes some bad for satisfaction.

Today I had a really productive session at starbucks with BY. Met sa, melissa, jocina and wywy all by chance. Managed to cover two chapters of econs.. Which is more than I can say about the past 2 non-existent weeks of the holiday.

Life goes full circle.

It takes a loss before you find it.

Hey there lil guy, don't be sad :)

Diving headfirst into a world of Love&Hate!

I miss the music too :(

WOAH CHECK OUT THAT RACK

Haha okay okay I get it. You don't like me. You never WILL like me. Fine by me, too.

"Flea fly flo fun goes massive" was a pretty cool way to spend the afternoon. Got my hands on a few steals, and I am one happy camper right now. I met Pam, Broc, Cui and Tan at the pit building too. I felt like just buying up the whole frikkin place and be done with it. Enough "stuff" to keep me satisfied for years. But of course due to cash constraint and common sense, I did not do that.

Sentosa on the 11th left me with tan lines. I realised too late, today. My dad remarked that I'm darker. My heart skipped a beat. We were cutting it too close I think.

8-12, 2-6. That is the new game plan! Ambitious? I don't think so! Just slightly crazy, that's all. If KC could do it, SO CAN I. I really need to kick up the gear on econs :( So, effective monday, hopefully all goes well and I magically morph into a human sponge. The clouds shall part, the light will shine through, and I will CONQUER MY NOTES. yeehaww.

40 years down the road, my small but beautiful 32As will still look like boobs while yours.. Well.

Would that be considered as "fueling the fire"? Silent warfare seems to be raging rampant here. Do you think I'll ever get tired of it? Well I'd say give me two more days... This is too refreshing to pass up. Hey aren't you glad I post almost everyday? :D

OKAY THERESE. stop it.

(Sigh. We've all got so much F.U.D in us.)

augustine says (11:38 PM): wa you seriously think you damn witty isit?



sometimes la.

"Shake your moneymaker like somebody's bout to pay ya, don't worry bout them haters keep your nose up in the air"

Haha thanks for that little nugget of advice, it had it's intended effect on me.

Well, another night, another revelation. Keep reading, if it makes you happier. If it keeps you sane. And I really think it could all be better. No one is comparing, no one is passing judgement.

We are all irrational creatures.

And I get that.

I only apologise for my obnoxious attitude that makes it so hard for you to see that I'm okay on the inside. But y'know, different people reveal themselves differently. And to me that acts like a filter that helps me see who are the ones who really take the time to try to know me. Cause the rest aren't worth my effort. If it helps, I really do have faith that in the end, you and I will be able to see eye to eye.

So yesterday was a really long day. Stuffed filled with words and thoughts that clutter my head. Information overload. But today is a new day =) 12th of June. Kinda has a ring to it, don't ya think?

we are not so different, you & I

It's true, a kiss is not a contract.

I attended the interview skills workshop today back at school. But dang it, only when I got home did I realise that I forgot to collect my geog essay from ms Fisher's locker. I met Gay at parkway afterwards. Apparently she works at MNG now, looking all smooth in her all black attire and H Y GAY staff tag. Haha I gotta find a way to get my hands on her old notes.

Hey you there, reading my blog like I don't know you're here. You think I don't sense your ill intentions? Reading, prying, trying desperately to keep up with a certain aspect of my life you want privy to. I know you still come back here. I know you're wishing I'd let slip on some detail or another. But y'know what? FUCK OFF. And not just from my blog.

And no I did NOT join Idol. Duhhhhh.

When you turned and smiled at me, a nightingale sang in Berkely Square

You were dazzled by the bright lights and the fast cars. Sucked into a world that promised fortune and glamour.

Sometimes I manage to convince myself that I have a greater purpose. Haha when I've nothing else to distract myself with, that is. The first thing that anyone speaks to me nowadays usually lies somewhere along the lines of "how is revision coming along?" or "been studying?" I understand you are a concerned friend, victim to the habit of small talk, but it's really getting quite depressing. Here we are. A bunch of kids. We're brimming with talent and potential. But we haven't been taught to delve into that deep end. Because yeah, most drown. Instead we lumber around, a group of dull students desperately clawing away at the notes and formulas, cause we're programmed for banging books. I fall prey to the system, but I can't say I'm an ignorant victim. Truth is, I'm far worse for knowing the problem, but not do anything about it. Hey wait a minute, isn't that what all of us are doing? Well, shit.

Hey Joe,
I still have your hard drive in my hands.

It's not me, it's you

You're lying, and I can tell.

I can read your actions and your words.

Can you hear my voice go emotionless when I get the feeling you're not being honest with me?

I can't believe McB has finished studying physics and math already! That's insane.

They try to copy my swagger!

P claims he is the "man who can't be moved". We'll see about that.

I am in terrible shape. I think the sleep deprivation is getting to me. Coupled with the after effects of post-season sentosa sun. My lips are cracked up pretty nasty and skin's peeling off of my nose. Hmm. It's that I-hate-the-world-don't-make-me-get-out-of-bed feeling. Wait then again it could also be the I-just-generally-feel-and-look-like-crap feeling.

I don't think how many facebook friends you have is a measure of your worth. Sometimes we forget things we know because we're so caught up in chasing what everyone else has their eyes on. And I don't think we need to worry about being forgotten as long as we remember the important ones in our lives.

I write my own story.

Slowly but surely, the first week of the holiday is expiring. On wednesday night, I had dinner at one of the swank Indian restaurants along Clarke Quay. I fell in love with the dessert. Haha indian ice cream, who would have guessed. Dinner was slightly rushed but the food was good anyways. The after-work crowd is just fascinating. I could people-watch there all day.

Speaking of people-watching. Spotted. Mr N and his girlfriend at tampines one. What a cute couple. Not what I imagined though.

I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm working on it

So I got to know K a little better over the past few days. Weird how tragedy pulls people together. Haha or perhaps misery is a better word. We're making plans of insane proportions, 5 yr to-do lists, that sorta thing. And it feels good. I have someone to smack me in case I lose sight of the more important things.

It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is. And it takes a road to go nowhere, it takes a toll to make you care, it takes the dust to have it polish.

Tomorrow, same time, same place.

REMF, oh yeah please ask me what that means

Sentosa was pretty cool. Kinda sun-kissed now. It's quite becoming, if I may say so myself.

Oh em gee. I feel so much better after getting all that out, posting it, then deleting it into a cyberspace oblivion.

you're probably talking to her now anyways

The Young and Ruthless

Tmr is the floorball outing to sentosa... To burn or not to burn, that is the question! Anyway, can I just say that I just went to the class blog for the first time in a long time and.. I'm so amazed! The fellow classmates actually put up the list of all our sports/performing arts achievements. Plus some fella actually put the redsports link in the tagboard prompting people to vote for me. Wow.

So.

Liberal. The word is liberal. Not loose, nor immoral, LIBERAL.

But I'm choosy. So there.

Sorry but you creep me out.

Good morning starshine, the earth says hello :)

It's the first official day of the holidays! And damn I feel good. I'm gonna hop out to starbucks to study/read for a bit soon. Funny things, thoughts are. They always seem to elude me when I need them most.

And so you're contemplating, putting one foot over the line, only to pull back the next moment. You don't know what to do! You can't decide. Is she for real? What will happen? You're curious. So dangerously curious. Oh but you want to try, you have to try. She is controlling your every thought.

who's right?