When you bite off more than you can chew, you choke.

I AM FUCKING PISSED.
It's 5.15 and I'm home. I'M HOME. Perhaps the stars and constellations conspired, sending out waves of cosmic energy, so that by a tragic twist of fate, I am home THIS EARLY, you wonder. BUT NO. Its not half as amazing, it's really nothing. It's only that MATH TUITION GOT CANCELLED.

IT GOT CANCELLED, WHILE I WAS ON MY BUS THERE.

Does my tutor not realise how much this affects me?? I planned my entire week down to a tee and now she has to screw it up by bailing on me =( Monday was my ONLY free day, the ONLY day I could schedule tuition in for. But now i'm stuck at home doing something painfully unproductive, like whining on my blog. I could have gone for netball today. I COULD HAVE FRIKKIN GONE FOR NETBALL. They're announcing exco today I think. Yes, my presence probably wouldn't do anything significant, but I just wanted to be there when it happened. UGH I HATE HAVING MY PLANS RUINED.

Now I have to find time (which I do NOT have) to re-slot this annoying bugger.

I'M FUCKING PISSED.

Because life up til now has been good to me

I love Ryan.
This is just one more thing I'm going to have to go through alone.
And I will be strong about this.

Bread and honey for breakfast.

I am disillusioned. Dreams are afterall, only dreams. I may see in you things I see in no one else, but neither of us can carry this forward into the real world.

If you keep it all in, you either explode, or stay miserable.

I'm aching. I'm aching everywhere. My back, my neck, my knees, my ELBOWS. I feel fucking stiff. Yesterday we had our last friendly before Adiv versus ITE college east. It was a normal match for me, fell thrice, got new bruises. But it really didn't do anything for my flu, hence the partial paralysis today. Apart from the physical side, I also got myself hit by a head-on revelation about floorball. So yeah, yesterday was pretty thought provoking.

Sometimes I just don't feel like opening my mouth. And it really is the easier option to shut up about things. I think people generally see me as someone who talks alot, is relatively amiable, basically un-quiet. But hoho, if I really wanted to be heard, I'd be alot noisier than I am now. So it's a win-win situation, I guess. And I shall continue keeping mum.

Suck it up!

Should I train later and risk my flu killing me?
Ahh I ask this question but I already know the answer.

All the details in the fabric, all the things that make you panic.

Amazing, I didn't even stop to complain about midyears last night. But, since we're on the topic of complaining, can I just take this moment to complain about my complete inability to sleep early? As I am saying this right now, I know very well that though I have nothing to mug for tonight, my tardy feet shall insist on trudging to my bed room at way too late an hour. In full consciousness that my dentist's assistant is an unhappy, not to mention naggy, old lady who like hates her job or sth.

Okay, sorry back to point.

The point is I have a dental appointment at 8 tmr, and I will be late for it. Why? Because I will sleep late tonight, and be unable to get out of bed the next morning. All this will amount to the unleashing of about 30 odd years worth of sadjob stories and disgust at patients who stroll in late. Oh I will suffer for my actions.

Did I mention I have nothing to mug for tonight? (face lights up) Midyears are a thing of the past, folks! And I face the looming promos with aplomb! Because the new, more experienced Therese, finally understands the way her mind works (or doesn't). Never, I repeat, NEVER, count on it (it meaning her mind) to pick itself up and work on its own. Never expect it to go to bed early, because as much as she (Therese) would like to, or needs to, it (her mind) prefers to laze around and do stuff of no importance. They (Therese and her mind) will doodle around past midnight.. Doing unimportant things, failing to realise the APPROACH OF THE NEXT SUNRISE. THEY HAVE NO SENSE OF UNRGENCY WHATSOEVER AND NEED TO BE GIVEN A GOOD SHAKE! Both of them. So there.

It really is her own fault for not geting enough rest, so now she is falling ill. A week before season.

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME

I had a warm and fuzzy dream last night, and in it I was walking back through the gates of TK, with your hand on my head, and we were laughing. You didn't know what you were doing there, but neither did I. We talked and laughed like we were best of friends. It was a quiet dream, full of blurry images and liquid feelings that spread to your toes.

Of course that languid dream did nothing to alter what was waiting for me in the cold morning. I would awake to a text of rushed apologies, and a dark gloomy room.

Love is never wasted.

On the bus home today, I wired up my hands-free to my phone, put the earphones in my ears, but just as I was about to hit play, something, I'm not sure what it was, made me think of you. And I stopped. I sat there on the bus for half the trip, floating in my own thoughts, with earphones for show. It is fortunate you will never read this, but that's how it is. I lose balance figuring out what you are about. Only dragged out of my reverie when the phone vibrated, a text from you.

This is rare, isn't it. Therese getting all sappy. But all the little things you say surprise me, and I am changing. But of course, nothing is what you think it is..

Wired, wired. You got my hands all wired.

heaven help you when I get them off

So. Today i meant to start on geog. Sure i got distracted by a few phone calls, a dinner outing, THIS, a tiny tampax emergency, msn.. But i'll survive midyears.

A sucker for all the tiny things =)

"Oh that moment when you looked at your phone and smiled to yourself, my world slowed its spinning and came to a silent stop."

Boy, you need to lighten up.

Word of the day- Criously!

I contemplate my worth in your eyes

YAY colourmylife was kewl.

thanks delorean =)
thanks all who came down =)

The Angel and the Fever

Well today's the day. Can't say i'm nervous, i'm amazingly sublime about the whole thing. But who knows, maybe i'll go crazy on stage later. Wait, that isn't an option. I have to go crazy on stage later. Hopefully the crowd is up for it.

Yesterday was the agape floorball open. An extremely good experience, i definitely dont regret taking part anymore. I'm so psyched up for A Divs, it's incredible. Torn between my studies and floorball, i can't really commit to anything. I try to keep reminding myself that i'm a student before a floorballer, but it's so difficult to let the championship take a back seat. I know studies are my priority. But being a sportsperson runs in my blood. Who do you play for?

Oh boonie, if the title is familiar, it's cause it's from Shanghai Tango. Yes, i finally got round to reading it =)

I feel terrible, but you would too if you knew you could've made me feel better.

i go around in circles again
over and over and over

What's it like to screw up when it matters most?

I mean, LOOK AT ME

everything's so screwed up
and nothing is in it's right place
why would you stop to talk?

back from floorball camp! which was pretty good but dusty. haha okay i'll fill in more stuff next time =)

Fuck this, I'm having another one.

I had serious fun today. Good food + Good company = Good, temporary insanity (with lots of laughing involved)

But the high, it goes away.
And I don't really have reason to be upset, I really don't.
Wait, reason has never been a prerequisite.
We're all just floating through the messy stuff.
Hoping one day to feel something real.

I'm on a lonely, lonely planet.

Well sometimes I repeat in hope it'll lose importance and truth, and maybe fade out. (It's time for one more change.)

girl 16, seeks closure

Here's something i've been thinking (hate the word "musing") about for awhile now.

As kids, we doddled around on our unsure feet, viewing most object and events only through the narrow scope of what we understood. But we were at our heighest stage of self-being.

Growing up dilutes our ways and colours. It smoothens our angles. It takes away our true self. Don't you feel that at the age of 5, when you were arguing over crayons with the other kids, you were more yourself than you are now? As we mature with the years, i sense a standard being set on the preferable personality traits a teen should have, a template of emotions and a favourable character. As we get wiser, most realise the easiest way to be accepted is to conform to this formula. And with our wisening, more find it easier to blend in than ever before. We are now smarter, more aware, and more worldy. Yet the most common way we use our skills is by using them to mask and hide our old self. Some say this is morphing, changing, maturing. But how can something good result in a bland generation of sameness?

I guess you can only feel this way when you're ahead of the dust cloud.
I am guilty.

But where do I go from here?