Near to you

And I wonder if I'm entitled to off-days too.

Train hard. Study hard. Sleep hard.

All there is to do is try.

I can feel the colour running (no wise words gonna stop the bleeding).

You've got to stand for something
or you'd fall for anything.

Yesterday's auditions was disastrous. Makes me shudder to think how bad it was. Don't know if we'll get in at all. Oh well. Tmr's the floorball carnival at NUS, exciting stuff. Pity I've to be at buona vista by 7.45am. That translates into very little sleep indeed. Oh I've resolved to sleep more. Time to execute a lifestyle change. Sleep is good. I shall not deprive myself of it. Sleep is gold. Mmm thursday was strange. Doesn't it make you feel like everything happens for a reason?

Oh the war raging in the pit of my stomach telling me to burn ethics.

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head

Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes.

You're only fooling everyone else

Had school, attended a talk, had training. Oh life's a walk in the park.

I got time while she got freedom.

Your voice is weighing me down.

I'm just slightly nervous about friday..

COME ON

Every picture is a rude shock, a revelation, a painful reminder. Trust few, and in those you trust, be grateful.

(I mean for me to have to find out like that, is just so cheap.)

FIRST DAY OF TERM 2-

School is like, the same. Every. Frikkin. Day.

To you, soul-searcher, bearer of burdens, gatekeeper of hope, I wish you shall get better soon. I wish you happiness, and I wish you shall head, once again, in a direction your heart leads you. I wish you will be able to let go, I wish you peace in the knowledge that you are your own person. I wish you comfort in these hands, I wish you joy. I wish you a friend, someone who will pull you out of this mess.

Solitude

The cool metal against my neck, how it presses against my collar bone, how it reminds me of who I am.

Mum's a miracle-worker. One day I'll be just like her. As inept and as amazing all at the same time.

As this cranberrybread+ham+cucumber+pepper&mayo sandwich cheers me up by three to four folds, I have to admit, you're the only one who can make me cry.

Seriously. And I wonder why I don't get the same kind of action. I mean, SERIOUSLY.

Bringing down the house

Oh don't ask me about the sudden spike in posting frequency. I am as clueless as the next person.

Today I was propped up against the rail of my three-sided bed (ask me how that works), with a pillow behind my back. Fresh from the shower, an unfamiliar scent hung in the air because I had once again run out of my usual shampoo. But you're not interested, are you. The interesting part was, on page 205, a very familiar nickname popped up somewhere in the conversation between two characters in my book.

Very, very familiar.

Then I realised I had been reading the full-form of that name over and over and over for the past 204 pages, not noticing a thing. Hmm :) Of course all this makes no sense to you, but y'know, nothing ever does to me anymore.

Not that I'm complaining.

Running through the monsoon

Training today was normal up to the point we did our 2.4km. Wow. I am so unfit. I was just wondering to myself, stamina is a very fluid thing isn't it? Fitness is not, I think. I can't really explain how I came to that conclusion. Oh wells, all in all, it left me in a state of semi-function. The parents came to get me home where I now sit. There is a throbbing ache in my head. I shall name it Bob.

It is one graceful abounding leap, my heart sails through the warm wind. We're only flying too close to the sun.

Hmm. Puzzling.

I've been misled and misplaced

steaming up the mirrors

The Geography fieldtrip was definitely worth the time. I learned so much more than I expected to. It was pretty amazing. Apart from the geographical knowledge/skills infused to each and everyone of us, I searched tirelessly for answers to other questions. Being away just makes it so much easier. And I think I'm now well-rested enough to take on my responsibilities with fresh conviction. Or should I say well-conditioned. "Man didn't survive this long by remembering meaningless things."

you bring me dangerously close to losing everything

I took the time to come to terms with what I'm getting myself into, and now is a good a time as ever. WELL. I think my head is screwed on firmly and I can take care of myself. So I should think less, and have my fun while I'm still entitled to. What is life, without the push and shove. Now as I watch you fall, fall so fast, I won't be thinking about how you ended up so broken. This, right now, it feels good. We're coming close, and then closer. We bring it in, but we get no further. We're seperate, two ghosts in the mirror. Still, say when, and my own two hands will carry you. Still, say when.

happiness feels a lot like sorrow
you can't make it come or go
happiness damn near destroys you

Today I went shopping on my own. I love strolling round town without the social pressure that comes with company. Sweet liberation.

relapse

A Non-Issue and to whom it may concern

I'm sleepy but there are so many things I need to put up here!

okay maybe tmr.
PEACEXZXZ

Food for Thought

All things lead back to how important something is to you. If something means alot to you, the more effort you'll put in to make sure it turns out right. I'm young and I'm studying. Having a serious boyfriend is not at the top of my priority list. So if I'm seeing someone who I feel isn't completely honest with me, I'm gonna let it slide. Because I don't see it as a pressing issue. If I'm seeing someone who won't put me at the top of his priority list, I'll understand. Because he's not at the top of mine either.

When you have mismatched wants and needs, everything else breaks down.

You think you've the right to be interested in my life. But you make me feel like I don't have the right to be interested in yours.

I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself (You're like substance-abuse, but worse)

COMMON TESTS 1

purpose of:
1) RUDE AWAKENING. yes my darling A divs are important but SO ARE YOUR BOOKS.
2) GIVE THANKS. for the days when you don't NEED to do anything.
3) APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU. suffering brings out the best in the human spirit, don't you think?

thoughts on:
1) BURN PHYSICS.
2) The cold does strange strange things to the human body.
3) I am a very lucky girl.
4) Dependencies can form in an instance. All it takes is a moment of weakness.
5) Dependencies are hard to break out of. It takes willpower of steel.
6) Fuck! Physics is screwed.
7) Why am I taking physics?
8) Now that it's over, where do I go?
9) What does this mean?? WHO AM I?
10) Haha just kidding.

bazarre incidents that happened during:
1) Mr I-Can't-Stop-Sneezing
2) Physics paper
3) out-of-body caffeine alertness
4) "Sorry this makes me uncomfortable."

LEAVING FOR MALAYSIA ON FRIDAY.

I feel... Unresolved!

There's really no way to reach me

I look a mess. But still, I hope 2 days of last-minute cramming of econs will help me scrape an E.

After much soul-searching and consultations sessions with the devil, we both conclude that the problem is me. I AM THE PROBLEM.

Like a lightbulb in a dark room, this glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes.

You can't do half past six for both... Sacrificing one for the other!

Oh glory, glory
If only I knew what I'm thinking.

Getting your wits about you

Too much of a coincidence, makes for something suspicious.

I had a productive day at starbucks by myself today. Hence, I am in a very good mood right now :)

I don't care if you're truthful. If it feels good, I'll take it.

Breathing quickens, heart races, blood boils. Oh now you'll find out what it means to piss me off.

Pathetic that I'm using a virtual diary as an outlet to all this unspent anger welling in my head. But, such is life.
No matter what you told me, or didn't tell me, she was there. She always will be there. Even if you're fighting it, even if this isn't what you planned, this is how it'll be for a really long time. She'll always be leeching onto every pulse your heart makes. Like a parasite that eats away at what we could possibly have. Of course I won't take it. I deserve a someone who's wholly mine.
And here I was thinking you were almost done.

I'll smile for you, think of you, but my heart is cold.