So ashamed of how I still feel

Today has been terribly unproductive. But what's new.

Finding out this way, this thing, this thing that isn't supposed to affect me so, is truly amazing. I'm ill with the thought of your kiss, coffee-laced, intoxicating, on her lips. Is there a chance, a fragment of light at the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight? Is there a chance you may change your mind, or are we ashes and wine? Ah screw you.

MORAL VACANCY

MAY I JUST BLOG ABOUT something that happened on Teacher's Day, during the breakfast session with our CT. Well picture this, our allocated table was smack next to the table where all the Very Important People sat. There was this lady, not naming names, who reached over to our table and grabbed food that we ordered for our teachers and gave it to the Very Important People. Now, ask nicely and we'd gladly share our breakfast with you. But just cause he's the frikkin principal and you're trying to suck up, does not give you the right to take as you please. Of course the way you continually turned back and demanded for more sugar, utensils, coffeemate, serviettes, whathaveyou, did nothing to improve our impression of you. I can't believe such repulsive characters exist within the school staff. Perhaps you were mistaken and thought that our table was set up to provide yours with food, and that our class was there to entertain your every demand. Perhaps you failed to see our class tag on our table, or our teachers eating with us, teachers the food was meant for. I mean GEEZ WOMAN. Do the word please and thank you stick in your throat? Have you forgotten all your manners or have you never even possessed any before? A lovely morning meant for celebrating our teachers was made unpleasant by your ugly behaviour.

Great Success

You're so mean to me sometimes.

Midnight snacks for the mentally disturbed

YAY! I'm in for the sikkim trip =) exciting stuff
Oh and SEPTEMBER 1ST, Fort Canning Green 6.30pm, GLO for youth. My last gig! Tickets are $15 get em from me!

Absent without official leave

What started as a joke, on a piece of paper, turned into a piece of cold, heavy metal I will carry around in my pocket for a very long time. Its weight grounds me, and the icy chills it sends to my skin remind me over & over, who I am, who I love. It is not a question of why.

I am beyond that.

Caramel and Chocolate Sauce

Hoho daniel. Look what you've made me do. We MUST meet soon.

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don’t speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want — good or bad. When you’re finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Profound Anxiety (and the un-deaf)

A: I would love to type a happy post about happy, infectious things that just illuminate the whole room with light til we're all so freaking happy and shiny we have glowing ears. Haha I really was pretty happy yesterday. Yesterday was an example of a Good Day. But, today is a Blah Day. Also known as friday. School, jamming, dinner out. I don't wanna get into the details.

B: I really really really need to buy a jacket :( It's getting really cold in the LTs and classrooms. And the cold gives me headaches. Headaches that throb. And it makes me shiver.

C: THEIR CALCULATIVE & TWO-FACED WAYS. Hypocrites. Oh and the competitive ones are really hateful too.

D: I don't like people who pry. People who overstep their boundaries.

E: No point highlighting here. E is arbitrary.

This might be hard, but I will stand down.

How I wish, that I was a catfish

"You have, one, new message."

Stuck in a limbo,
I am one day behind time.

live high

World, I STUDIED ECONS TODAY. Hell yeah. Studied at EastPoint starbucks with boon yew. Yay to productivity!

1am. I guess what I'm trying to say is...

"Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it"
Lewis Carroll

1. You're like a dream come true. (The song la duh.)

2. As I flit from table to tabel, it occurs to me that I am rarely satisfied with where I am and what I have. I have this desire for more, just keep on wanting more.

3. He is going to make some girl very very happy one day. Truly, he is. But I can't give him the commitment he deserves.

4. Seafood. I find personality tests immensely amusing.

5. Break up with someone whom you know is bad for you; Similarly, have a fling with someone whom you know is bad for you!

6. I'm getting my braces removed on 4th december!!

7. All it takes is getting used to someone.

8. You and your compartmentalized mind, you keep using the same excuse to distance yourself from anyone. You're only afraid because once I take that first step through the door, you will be entirely lined out on parade for inspection. With one sweeping glance I shall know your most secret corners. I know you are always chasing the rightness in everything. You will make the right decision, and do the right thing. But what about when you need to be wrong? Do you know how to be wrong? As I stray further and further from what I really need you to hear me say, I breathe easier with every misleading word. How fragile I deem our dance to be. Why can't you remove the shadows that chase you? Look at me as you step into the light. Let go. Or better still, turn around and look at them in the eye. You will realise that you have be haunted so long, by something that is near nothing. This time I can't say I'm swimming in a fog, I can't say I don't feel and touch every second. Because I do, I'm as close to the surface as I ever will be. I believe in your strength, you will be the person you need yourself to be. If you asked, we could be great friends.

9. What a reprieve.

I'll find someone who sees me.

By the time you realise what could have been
I'd have found someone who sees me.

When I grow up...

Today after school I walked over to Ngee Ann Primary to look at the school. It's nice. With a fresh coat of paint and a breezy entrance. I think Ryan will be happy there. On bus 24 home, I forgot to get off to change to no. 5. So i took 24 all the way to the airport and watched it loop back. It was like I viewed the whole bus ride in third person, with the soundtrack of the overvoice from TV mobile playing in the background. So there I was, lost in thought (probably why I missed my stop in the first place) and that same liquid sense of security washed over me.

On another note, it's time to start studying. I can't be thinking of random emotions and missing my bus stops anymore.

You're a jerk. Truly one of a kind.

Delorean has just split up due to some conflicts. I wish it didnt have to end on such a bad note, but oh wells. It was fun while it lasted.

Apparently I don't know what's good for me. And I don't know how to stay away from things that are bad for me. I thought I found the solution to that, but my mind likes to play tricks on me.

You, you are the worst.

ahh I can't do this anymore! it's driving me crazy. I'm losing sleep and losing focus. Go away.

You think everyday sunday ah.

On wednesday I met boonie for ice cream at ICC, then went down to tampines for dinner and a pedicure. Today, I had floorball training after national day celebrations. Then had lunch at parkway, followed by a movie at kallang leisure park with the TK netballers.

I dunno, I just felt obliged to get the details out of the way. I hardly ever write about what I actually do with my life.

you're the voice inside my head
the reason that I'm singing
you're the missing piece I need
the song inside of me

I've been thinking long and hard about this. This is unlike anything I've tossed around and toyed with. I'm not messing this up.

When you mean it, I'll believe it (oh I'm not coming back)

I am carrying Ryan on my shoulders. My fists are holding onto his ankles and he has his arms wrapped around my head, terrified. It is storming and we have to get away. I take of my cap and put it on his head, hoping it might take away a bit of the rain and wind from his eyes. I run as fast as we can possibly go, but the road is wet. It is raining so heavily. We are the only ones around. My slippery footsteps as I rush down the stone steps are in phase with my pounding heart. I hold on tighter to him as I blink away the rain and continue running.

Drunk Dial (the smell of sushi and action thrillers)

The thing about napping on the floor, is that when you wake up, your body aches in so many different places and pins & needles afflict your every limb. I don't understand why I still do it. Perhaps I just like the feeling of the cold, hard marble tiles. Perhaps I should just get more sleep every night.

I feel like I've travelled the island today. Down to sengkang at 8am, left for dhoby ghaut interchange at 1100 but POsh wasn't open yet. By 1130 I was at newton mrt. Then I get on 171, headed towards MGS, only to have to get off and make a U-turn back to newton 2 stops before. I was tempted to stop at Island Creamery and dial up someone to share a nice afternoon with me over some indulgent dessert. But this felt like an Alone Afternoon. And it was good. Took the train back to simei, wanted to call up alyssa to join me at starbucks, but again I didn't. On bus number 5 back home, I met Andrew by chance, which was cool.

So I doddled around Singapore today in my glasses and my VJ tee. The one with three stickmen in boxes at the front. I can't say it was a thought provoking journey of anysort, or that it was deeply cleansing or anything. But I was relaxed. And I walked at the pace I wanted to. And I was free to stop if I wanted, change direction if I wanted.

This weekend has been quiet. You're painfully shy, I know. But I wish you'd just give me more to work with.

OMFG

haha this is damn cool. delorean's myspace has the recording of BoB3 on it! and the recording sounds sweet man. haha other than our crappy timing on Jailhouse Rock and my off key singing on Can't Buy Me Love. but i still love how i'm all echo-ey. HAHA friggin awesome.

http://www.myspace.com/deloreandeloreandelorean

Oh darlin' I would rather let you go

I am feeling strangely sanguine.

Sometimes we are submerged beneath the surface, and the sounds don't make their way to us. Every breath fills our lungs with water, as we sink deeper and deeper. The caress of the wind will not reach us here. If we keep still, we can lose sense of our being. If we don't struggle, the only noise we hear is our own heartbeat. This is how it feels to be truly alone.

But when you feel that urge to swim to the surface, a reason to step into the light, you should hold onto it. This feeling won't last. So give in to it. Once in awhile life gives us a reason to fight.

I've been thinking (yes, really) about my value system. Maybe I'm all whacked up but don't know it? Anyhoo, like I said, I'm feeling pretty chipper right now. Perhaps only I know the reason why!