You aren't what I'm looking for

About something else,

I've never seen myself as someone who gets knocked over by what people are saying about me. And I generally trust my own opinions more than I do others. This is dangerous, I realise. And arrogant. It might one day get the best of me. But for now, I am happy and contented with how things are. And I don't give a fuck what you're saying about my behaviour and who I choose to talk to and trust. But do realise that if this starts to hurt the people I choose to confide in, then heaven help you.

I don't care for what you like to talk about in your own time, and I don't care how you perceive the way things are between him and I. But I do treasure my friendship, and I'd like to keep things happy. Don't mess with something you don't understand.

How many times will I have to say no?

Okay this week has been a complete whirlwind. Too many things I needed to settle and keep tabs on. Most of it floorball stuff. This new responsibilty in my hands is.. Something unlike anything I've ever undertaken. And while I know self-doubt is potentially devastating and won't help me in any way, I can't help but have small panic attacks everytime I think of how I'm going to cope next year.

Delorean won't be running next year, so that's one less thing going on. But still. Am I placing too little importance on my studies? Perhaps I'm too ambitious? All these negative thoughts swim in my head, eating away at the faith I'm supposed to have in myself. But hopefully, give me a week or so and I'll feel confident again. For the team, even if not for myself.

What's it gonna take for me to feel 100% up for it, like I did a few months ago? What's it gonna take for me to regain that self-knowledge that things will turn out right? I need answers if I'm going to lead the rest of the girls on, I need answers if I want to do this right, I need answers and I don't think they're too far away. It'll be tougher taking this route, but it's also the more rewarding one. I don't think people telling me they believe in me will help much (Such is the weight I place on their words, unfortunately. I do try to listen to people other than myself of course, but it takes getting use to.) but thank you to all who have tried anyways. This is me at the beginning of a new time in my life. I can't wait to see what this moulds me to become.

Giving little pep talks to myself can work wonders sometimes.

Do you wanna go where I've never let you before?

"I wake up in the middle of night and bolt upright, gasping for air, coughing, choking on my own saliva. Perhaps this is the retribution they speak of, not a moment's peace for nights to come. My heart pounds in my head. My back damp with cold sweat. What have I done?"

I am so scared.

I am anything you expect me to be.

I posted this super long comment on redsport about the lousy ref who screwed us over during the RJ vs VJ match. Go take a look. And yeah I was holding back when I wrote that. It also sparked off a chain of other comments. It's amazing how we all think we're right :) The reporter quite bitchy ehh.
http://redsports.sg/2008/07/18/rjc-vjc-floorball/

Kay I shall talk about battle of the bands 3. Of all the gigs we've done. I was the most nervous about this one. And was also the one I told the least people about. As we were setting up I think I had a slight panic attack and hid back stage for awhile. One of the prefects, I think his name was douglas, saw me and asked me if I was scared. I shook my head and said no, but my heart was going at umm a really fast rate. He said "Oh okay. You just don't want to stand out there and look retarded doing nothing right. Good idea." Then he went on to make some friendly banter about Jailhouse Rock, our first song. So yes, there I was, freaking out behind the curtains. Never really felt like that before. I guess its cause BoB is where it all started. And the crowd.. Well I was feeling uneasy about the crowd. I don't know. It turned out okay in the end. Keith's wireless went out of batt toward the end of Jailhouse, so that was slightly scary. But other than that. It was okay.

you got this look I can't describe
in between classes,
in between days
I'm in too deep.

I can't find my font. The font button is missing :(
Again, please refer to august 27th. I'm weary of this.
It's strange how things never go the way I want them to.

Crash & Burn.. I never learn

What I do for me time? I blog.

Life is.. Very screwed up.
No one gets it.

We ride with the heating turned up

Thanks for all the encouraging words, girls. I feel good today.

Like I said, ice cream cures all.

Comedic Relief

I was happy in my harbour, when you cut me loose

YMS was a strange experience. You get to meet a lot of interesting people out there with their own righteous opinions, apperently. Our set was 55 minutes, leaving me hoarse and completely shagged out after. But hey, good stuff all the same.

3-7
I really don't have much to say about this,
I'm numb.
As usual.

It's been a trying week. The thought of dropping everything and running away crossed my mind, for the first time.

But I'm still here, that's all that matters.

When you lose yourself, and everything you've worked for

3-6
can't say it doesn't suck.
can't say i feel like it was fair.
how do i give my all
when i'm not given the chance to.
this is my only complain
although i really shouldn't have one
and he probably knows what he is doing
it's so frustrating to watch
so frustrating to be held back.
perhaps i've maxed out my chances
but seriously.
i mean, SERIOUSLY.
how do i give my all
when i'm not given the chance to.

Uncomfortable silences & those worth keeping around

@YMS arts centre
INDIE MEETS ROCK

54 waterloo street
11th July 1700-2200
$14 per ticket

Line Up:
Polarix
Delorean
Fat Bottom Girls
Grace the Occasion
Della Mandre
Astronauts By Days

do come =)
we have a 45 minute set.

When you let your heart win

11-0
Do the impossible,
Fight the fight.
I'm so proud of the team and our performance today.
Now we've got everyone sitting up & paying attention,
It's time to deliver the goods.

the weight of things unspoken

My fear, the pressure, and the unknown.

VJ floorball boys beat MI 6-2 today. I am very happy for them.

TOMORROW kicks off floorball A Div-girls.

VJ vs MI

Taking place at Republic Poly

2.30pm

I am shit scared.

But I think, MI has the worse end of the deal.

-peace