Unbreakable

Once you've had a taste of perfection...

CTs loom. I'm not doing enough for my own future. There're many focused, driven young people out there who know what they want, and work like hell towards it. How can I possibly ride that same wave without any of that fire? Without any of that discipline? Then again, there are many directionless teens (a la Therese) who pass each day for the microscopic pleasures, aimless and we don't put in any hard work. We stil get by, right? Do we end up where we want to? Will I regret my actions (or non-actions)? I'm dredging my head through this swamp of self-exasperation, not like it's getting me anywhere. Tell me what I need.

What you would do if
You were the one spending the night?

A Divisions
I'm starting to feel the familiar sensations of pre-season emotions coursing through my veins. I didn't feel any of this last year. I kept trying to draw parallels with B Div 07 back in the glory days of TK netball, and came up empty handed. But this year, I feel it. I don't know if it's because we're doing something right, or just cause I've invested so much of myself in this I'm desperate for some self-absolution. I hope with all my heart it's the former.
[observation] Commitment to things and plans and goals and ideals I've no problems shouting out and declaring eh. People and feelings, I bury my head. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. [end of observation]
Yes, I guess I'm still grasping at anything that will give me the minutest of signs I'm heading towards something good. Is that normal? More aptly, is that healthy? Could I be placing too much importance on circumstancial things that might not mean anything? Like I said, desperate for self-absolution. I guess if this is how I cope, then this is how I cope. I'm trying to balance my life. And if this helps in the equation, it can't be harmful. We deserve success, that much I know. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure we get it.

Do you have a winner's mentality? You know the fight is ugly. If you're not ready to give it all for the team, you're redundant.

Slightly heavy for blog-hopping material? Too intense? Perhaps you think I should lighten up. Maybe you've just never had something worth fighting for.

Caught red-handed

I like honeystars that are stuck to each other.

Saturday; Friendly vs Northbrooks. We played alright and near the end I sprained my ankle. It got really bad last night (high heels+bad ankle=stupid decision) but after icing it and a good rest, this morning it looked reasonably less-huge. I wonder if it'll be better in time for cross-country...

Sunday; Tuition in the late morning was reasonably productive. Tiramisu was a nice change. Studying outside after that was futile. Came home to eat, sleep and do my part on the 1000-word geog essay.

First impressions; 1. How he looks 2. How he carries himself 3. How he speaks 4. His laugh 5. If he laughs at all 6. Does he make you laugh? 7. Body language 8. Does he hold your attention 9. Is it easy to find things to say to him 10. Does he understand what you're saying?
I've met many new people this weekend. One over the phone, which crosses out criteria 1,2 & 7. Speech is still a powerful thing though. To me anyways. It's interesting, first impressions. It could mean everything, or nothing at all.

"It can't be a good sign if you're imagining breaking his heart already."

Cruise with me baby

I started studying goeg today! :DDDDDDDDD

I'm prouda meself.

Saturday friendly! CAN'T WAIT.

I'm clean, none of you in my system

A little bit of catching up is good for the soul, every now and then. Cause we tend to forget who we once were or what we once had. I had fun :) And if you haven't had fun in awhile, you should get out and look for fun. It's worth it. Dearest P, why do you like to hurt so much? I'll keep you where you need to be, no matter how much it takes from me. Remember

Trust me, trust nobody.
No way of telling.

Happy Valentine's!

nicks and papercuts

Mmm, good :)

Saturday is OUTOFBOUNDS you hear me!

I bought a new stick today (!!!!)

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Who I am/Who I gotta be

(When the shit comes down, you'll be the first to walk away.)

Okay I planned to start studying today.. and I kind of did? :D Not much, but it's still something. Today was pretty eventful. Ryan's birthday so we ate at NewYorkNewYork. But the best part of today is still the fact that I had NO training. Yeah it's wearing me out abit, and I like putting on my glasses every now and then y'know. Tuition was.. normal. And I managed to get that card from Borders :D I finally asked the mum what I had to, and also got her to sign the application form for the geog field trip. I feel way productive. I realise my sentences aren't joining up in a way they usually do but that's okay. Love is on my side.

I'm awake, why wait?

Closed eyes, bigger lies.
All I need is some truth, god help me, before the devil buries me.

:):):):):):)

You found me, you found me

I said "Where've you been?"
He said, "Ask anything."

ORIN!tation is over. Well at least it will be tonight. Only a person like myself will have enough luck to come down with an eye infection just before the final, most fun day of orientation. It definitely is more fun to be an ogl than a freshie though, and yeah I did have fun. Last night at the sky garden, where just about the whole of Orin congregated, we self-entertained with spoofs of the red shirts (all in the name of fun! no one was hurt in the process) and silly truth or dare games. And we got so high we whipered cheers all the way back to city hall mrt. We be cool.

So. On to more circumstancial things. CTs are nearing (FOUR WEEKS MORE!!!). So is the deadline to hand in the scholarship programme form. Time to shift my priorities around and kick into high gear.

In the end, every one ends up alone. Losing her, the only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna be. No way to know how long she will be next to me.

Too long would be a mistake

Last night the party, a really quaint one if I might say so myself, was pleasant in a way you wouldn't expect when you put extremes together. I think inviting Leon was a fantastic calculation on my part. Haha well we had a good laugh. And it was a good way to burn the night. We are so young.

(Why should I be constrained by your problems? I'll damn well blog whatever and whoever I please. Its not my fault you have a past who is obsessive and clingy who over-reacts at my every word. Feels good to yield this power over her, but I need my freedom to type it as it is. Unfortunately, I like you more than I'm annoyed. So FINE. Hmph.)

Tmr is the start of orientation. Mixed feelings sloshing around in my head, I'm glad I'll be part of it, yet I feel like this is going to completely wipe out my energy reserves. Yes, I am tired. Well at least I will be. Some say becoming an OGL was the best thing that happened to them in their 2 years. Somehow, I'm not expecting the same kind of fireworks with myself. But hey, all for the freshmen right?

So it's over,
He's with someone else and you know her.

Your tears won't bring him back.
I know you wish that it did,
But it just don't work like that.
You know that healing takes time,
Even your heart has a pace.
But how much time are you gonna take?
Too long would be a mistake.