Delicious distractions.

Awesome day today :)

You are what you love, not what loves you back.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm reading sex horoscopes now.

God bless my itchy fingers. I'm about to blow 200 bucks via online shopping. Someone stop me now?

Inhale

If I bought a new apartment, it'd only have one room with huge windows that'd let the sunlight stream in, adorned with white flowy curtains, and there'd be nothing in that room cept a big bed with soft sheets so we'd spend languid hours on end there together doing nothing, just us. We'd be very happy.

ON THE WAY HOME TODAY I SAW THE CUTEST DOGGIE EVER BUT BEING THE NOOB THAT I AM, I HAVE ZERO CLUE WHAT KINDA DOG IT IS. ALL I KNOW IS THAT IT WAS THE RICHEST CHOCOLATE COLOUR AND HAD THE PRETTIEST CURLY FUR. IT JUST SAT THERE, NEXT TO IT'S OWNER, LOOKING LIKE THE LOVELIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

(abovefeatured dogs are cute too, but not what I saw.)

AHHHHHHHHHH.

I shall put "lovely chocolate brown doggie" into my very comprehensive wishlist that I drew up on my train ride home today.

Ironic I'm obsessed with all things pacman. I'm so bad at the game.

Heheh. From awhile back. Makes me chuckle.

Comprende?

"We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your belly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.

Speaking of your body, you don’t understand the power of your own smell. Any woman who is currently with a man is with him partly because she loves the way he smells. And if we haven’t smelled you for a day or two and then we suddenly are within inches of you, we swoon. We get light-headed. It’s intoxicating. It’s heady."

Konfused.

Feelin kinda down now cause I haven't heard from you. Not sure if I'm feeling the way I'm supposed to feel. Maybe I'm too demanding. But I know it'll all disappear when you come home, so I'll just wait.

Oh yes, they both reached for the gun.

I'm going to Chicago, The Musical! One item of my hitlist. Now someone tell me why corinne bailey rae tickets are so damn expensive. I would have loved her twice as much if she did a low key intimate set, that didn't cost such a large percentage of my pay.

I WANNA-

So many things.

You slept a sigh like the angels speak,
And we danced into tomorrow on bleeding feet
And I had thought that I would die here
But you pushed me on,
You pushed me on,
You pushed me on.

Oh and I would like to call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty.

You can keep it all locked up in your leaden chest
Or you can lay mouth open on the water's edge
But all your angels and your God will stitch and wash you

Oh I would like to call, call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty.

Crybaby.

DETOX

12 glasses of water, plenty fruits and vegetables, brown rice, oatmeal, almonds, fish and tofu.

I am zen.

Because my computer has no sound and I can't watch ANY videos/episodes of Grey's so yeah. Blahhhh

Enough talking.

Can I have your number?

Saturday night was interesting. Texting JB who's miles away, and at the same time doing something I never would if he were here. What's the trade-off? Where's the line? Or is it just my fortunate ability to make the best out of any situation. Hmm.

A true friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you today just the way you are.

Things that make me feel happy &/or loved*:

• Ice cream sessions with old friends or cousins
• Uneventful (peaceful) family dinners at nice places
• Grandma's cooking
• Phonecalls from the boyfriend (long or short, whichever)
• Phonecalls from Sa (at the right times)
• Hugs from Ryan
• Hanging out with the TK netballers
• Playing floorball for fun
• Playing any sort of sport for fun
• Receiving snail mail
• Listening to/Making music
• Snuggling with the boyfriend
• Doing anything with the boyfriend (except shopping)
• Reading good books
• Buying new cds and knick-knacks that I don't really need
• Comfortable (but still cute) shoes
• Buying birthday gifts for my loved ones
• Randomly bumping into people I've been missing
• Spontaneous night time adventures (no longer in service, read section curfew)
• Having my efforts recognized (semi-over-achiever symptoms)
• Laughing so hard my stomach and back aches

*This list isn't exhaustive.

We are what we hate.

Things that make me feel awkward &/or uncomfortable:

• shopping with a big group of people
• shopping with the boyfriend
• having someone look over my shoulder and at my computer (pertains to the dad mostly)
• going home with someone I'm not close to

I'm working on the second one, really. Someday, sweetheart :) Haha.

Glass Half-Empty

My computer is up! If only in safe mode.. Well better than nothing right :)

It's a bubble made of caramel and spicy fire.

For a brief moment today, I forgot my age. I was staging an epic debate in my head, trying to decide if I was 18 or 19. I feel like an old woman though, fearful that she is past her prime, weary in thinking of all the opportunities missed. I don't ever want to be constrained by my age.. Isn't that the scariest thing?

Baby please stay safe and come home soon. Nobody loves me like you do.

If I'm lost, show me where you are.

My computer has crashed again and my last few posts were all from my iPod. Hence they on don't make much sense. Goodnight y'all.

(feels like the first time)

Like noise in my backyard.

I have lots of unsorted thoughts about my future, and the present. I'm feeling pretty pensive today, like I've been lying here staring at my ceiling for the past hour, trying to draw parallels between the sounds of my neighbour's construction works, and my hapharzed chaotic concerns. I don't know why I've got it in my head to get worried. I suspect it has something to do with the elaborate dream I had this morning before waking up. I can still remember it. Lots of suppressed fears and hidden meanings there. My fear of being kept in the dark about something, fear of people turning out to be something else from what I expected, fear of letting my close ones down. I quite suddenly feel as if I need to make major changes in my life. Uni and where I'm going is all pretty uncertain now, so kinda stuck in a limbo. Close my eyes and pray I don't miss my chances. My way of living has to change too I think. Sleep more, eat healthier, I don't know. I'm floundering here. Being away from the boyfriend for the past day or so reminds me of the before. Not that I'm yearning to go back to what I was. That's impossible now anyways. I'm a different person. Not more, not less, just different. Still, I'm okay on my own. I miss him like crazy but I'm okay on my own.

On a side note, Mrs Tan gave birth to a healthy baby girl today, weighing in at 3.6kg!! That is beautiful, don't you think? :)

Love, am I a fool to believe in you?

Every moment I spend with you is gold.

The Majestic Sea.

It has been an interestng year, 2010.

If there's a choice I'm making.

So sleepy. USP interview tmr, wish me luck :)

This.

This is cool of the day

You're like a baby.

As I'm typing this JB is playing mario kart on wii with Ryan in the living room. KIDS. Haha I went ice skating to take my mind of my (very traumatic) law interview and it was fun :) I have a badass bruise on my knee now cause of it. Hee JB and I caught a movie after that. Okay enough of my auto-biographical posts. Goodbye!

Yes, no.

God bless my conflicting heart. I can't write this law thing for shit.

I thought we were gonna go.

Plans change.

I was in a skippy mood thinking about well. Plans. But they change. Everso often. Now I'm grumpy.

Back to my law app.

Hi sa.

I can be so bad.

I am a creature of appetites.

I received many calls from NUS today. I am happy.

Oh but the real gem is the fact that managed to catch a last minute dinner with Raksha. I had such a good time.

Once in awhile life deals you a sweet card.

Fated is something Kev and I are not. At all. Well so I thought anyways. I guess all it ever was was accumulating, waiting, and finally exploding in a display of fireworks today during my train ride home. Mmmph.

I guess having a job's not so bad. Right? I might actually be able to finance my own holiday at the end of it all.

I'd really love to watch Chicago, the musical. But I checked and student tickets are all out. Oh wells.

I'm just sleepy, happy thoughts are snoozing :)

Doing it for the guys.

Last night at supperclub was interesting.

We gotta move in the same direction.

Oh your love is so good. Lay it closer. I want it, I want it into me. I want it, I want it, leave it here. I wanna get close to you. Lay it down, what's impeding you?

I'm about to lose my mind.

We are all suckers for snail mail. You and I know that. We are also all suckers for mixedtapes (tapes, thumbdrives, these terms can be interchanged loosely). Today in the mail: A tiny white envelope, inside it a thumbdrive with a sweet message and songs for my listening pleasure. Oh and, something I find incredible, he gave me one of his badges. I don't know which it represents though :) I'll have to ask him. How did so much love get crammed into one person? He's unreal. He's mine.

Sigh, talk about insanity. I'm psychotic, missing you like I don't know better. Crazy and deranged.You need to come home and fix me.

Don't it make my brown eyes blue.

"Cause a man just ain't a man, if he ain't man enough to love you when you're weak, love you when you're strong. Love when you're right, love you when you're wrong. Take you higher, when the world's got you feeling low. He's giving you his last, cause he's thinkin of you first. He's giving you his best, even when you're at you're worst. Giving comfort, when he's thinking that you're hurt. That's what's done when you really love someone."

Dear baby, I miss you and think about you all the time. You might think it's cute, but it's really more creepy than anything. So I'm wishing the days to past faster so I can stop being so psycho and strung out over you. I wish it's Friday already! I wish you were here. Love, me.

Two minutes of today

I'm sorry you still come here, sorry you still think of words I said and the things we did. I'm sorry this is the first time in a long time I've thought about you. I'm sorry if you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sorry if you still think about the smell of my hair. I'm sorry, you were who you were, and I couldn't change that. You still are who you are, and I'm sorry.

Okay no I'm not mad anymore. How do you stay mad at that boy? It's impossible.

Okay no I'm not mad I just got really worried and did things that worried people do (like call his dad and his friends) and I kinda exhausted all my options (like scanning facebook for his team mates' contacts) so like yeah I just got desperate and did things that desperate people do (like call sa). Mm but he's okay, he's not unconscious in a drain anywhere or anything. He's in church (oh irony) with his mum. Maybe its the guilt that he could have caught the bug from me. Or maybe it's cause it's frikkin POURING outside and you know anything can happen in wet weather.

Ah whatever I'm still mad at him.

when i can think straight again, i'll be back to tell yall why I'M SO MAD AT JB AND WHY HE'LL NEVER FORGET TODAY

I FEEL VERY UNSEXY RIGHT NOW

OK GO

I'm just here to type. Get my fingers moving, hopefully my brain too. Know why? Cause I can't write. CAN'T WRITE. I'm not a writer. Essays just aren't my thing. Why am I signing up for more in the coming 4 years? WHY? I suffer from chronic writer-block, except hey, I would actually have to qualify for writer status before I can self-diagnose. SHIT. Deadline is 2nd April. Like uh in 52 mins time? 400-600 words. HELLO?? It's not even THAT long. Fuck this shit I just really wanna sleep MY GOD my meds are making me feel like crap. Do you know what I've been doing? Typing, staring, deleting, staring, cradling my head in my hands, staring, typing, deleting.

I need sleep. But I need to write this essay more. What gives?

Your world is my world, my fight is your fight.

But sometimes there's a limit to how close two people can be.

One more essay for USP to go. I need to write it by 1am tonight. How will I do it when just sitting here, it takes a giant effort for my back and neck to hold my head up. Flu meds probably have muscle relaxants in them. So I'm all soft and woozy now. Essay, anyone?

See their tiny little smiles in the last box? That's when you know.