It's so hot, we're steaming up your glasses

Today was SPORTS DAY! phoenix got ownedddd. BUT, i still think it was pretty entertaining. It's strange how the cheerleading squads chose such dubious uniforms. I mean, do you really want to have to pull up your top every 2 seconds during your routine? For that reason, aquila TOTALLY deserved to win. Speaking of aquila, alyssa got elbowed on the NOSE playing pushball and she BLED. how rad is THAT. i've bled from impact once, two three years ago, but then again, i bleed easy.. it was only a ball. But an ELBOW, WOW. Hmm and then after sports day we had what was meant to be training, but turned out to be just a run and shooting.

I have a habit of sidestepping the real issues and blowing up the non issues. I try to make myself feel better by ignoring the painful stuff. But it's almost too hard not to notice, that this is going nowhere and i am accomplishing nothing. Why is it so hard to be light, so hard to be flighty. I'm missing something but i dont know what. I'm needing something, but i don't know who.

Tomorrow's a busy day. Four hours of jamming and tuition and a really long list of things to buy. I really really hope tuition works out. I NEED to clear my midyears. DESPERATELY. One wonders what's the chance of me retaining. Hmm, hair-raising, that thought. And jamming, GOSH, old songs and their structures. Yes, brilliant, but so hard for me to catch=( i gotta be quicker. OH and anyone knows where to get a good tambourine?

The day after tomorrow is the SRJC match. 3.20pm at kallang netball centre. We are only as strong as our weakest link. But i simply cannot perform knowing i am that link. I crumble when you pile on the expectations, and i cannot support the hopes of the whole team on my shoulders. I wish this would get better for me.

After the match i shall return to school for the dance concert. SHI HUA is performing, so alyssa and i shall be there to show our undying support. Not to mention, i really wanna see this zinc dude. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SHI HUA! =) good to know some of us still have time for love.

Today we shall end on a happy note, i'll leave what i want to scream to you for another day.

Where does the good go?

TODAY IN GP.. (hey, hey, i wanna be a rockstar)

therese: i wanna be a rockstar
mr teo: *hysterical laughter*
mr teo: oh no, no i wasn't laughing AT you..
therese: sure.
mr teo: *looks worried* no i REALLY didn't mean it that way.
therese: yeah i believe you.
mr teo: *uneasily* so what DO you want to do in the future?
therese: like i said, i wanna be a rockstar
mr teo: no, i mean seriously.


TODAY IN GP.. (too much physics, too little time)

therese's constant turns everything to gold.
shamin's constant = 1
anything multiplied or divided by shamin's constant remains numerically unchanged.
shamin's constant is also totally useless.

TODAY IN TRAINING.. (damn you, free cone day)

naf: i went!=) and i had TWO.

I always get it up, for the touch, of a younger kind

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Good times begin when I stop thinking

100%, 20%, 100%, 75%
i'm freaking inconsistent! and i think i need to get fitter, or at least regain pre-cross country stamina i lost from.. under training? maybe it was the cough, i dunno.

on a happier note, i FINALLY settled my math tuition :) yay one more thing to busy myself with. SCHOOLWORK SUCKS! the list of things i'm behind on just keeps growing and growing and growing..

the final score was.. 37-19 i think.

it's in your walk and in your gaze
i'm not playing this game with you
or at least for as long as i can
control myself

oh whoops. I am told by jasmine, that next monday our game is vs TPJC, not srjc, and its at 4.40 not 3.20. so... that means the friday game is vs srjc not tpjc.. and it probably ISN'T at 4.20, more like 4.40. haha okay. my bad.

Finally Fixed (you make me jump up and down, up and down)

no no my chesty cough is NOT fixed. but i can safely say, some other things are =)

I went down to support the crossers today, even though i thought i wouldn't, and we went out for island creamery after that. YUMMO =)

but shhh. team secret.

OKAY THIS IS FOR WEENA
(umm i dont really know the EXACT timing so these are just guesstimates k)

MONDAY 28th, kallang 3.20 VS SRJC
FRIDAY 2nd, kallang 4.20 VS TPJC
MONDAY 5th, kallang 3.20 VS CJC

*note i might have mixed up the srjc and tpjc games. haha this is as good as NOT telling you right. gosh.

Just like I am tonight. (I don't want to be alone)

BAD TIMING, on and off court.

can i not go to school tomorrow PLEASE?

My Much-Needed Therapy

Me against the... Mess.

Falling ill the weekend before the HCI match wasn't part of the plan. I ache everywhere. My head is heavy and my ears are blocked. Monday 3.30 at kallang. Oh help me. I'm weakening under the pressure and i'm scared to hell.

Queen's we will rock you on thursday night was mind-blowingly good. And musicfest the next night was.. sad. Although Mr Najib performing was a cute thing to witness.


never will i
have to answer
again
to anyone

Few stop

to contemplate my true meaning. But i am grateful if you do. There isn't much more i can ask of anyone.

OKAY. i want to dedicate this space to the constants in my life, for keeping me sane and reminding me of the more important things =)

because i am a danger to myself.

unsupervised,
and unattended to,
we're all taking a gamble.

Love the song for it's selfish under tones

And now, give it up for the amazing, never-seen-before, breath-taking, death-defying, ACT OF THE CENTURY!

I'm so close to being yours, won't you stay with me.

I have plans for the future

The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
-Blaise Pascal, Pensees.

I've been wading in a self-constructed pool of fumes that cloud my vision and impair my judgement. Now i realise, it is not so big as i made it to be. And i have found the edge, but i'm not ready to climb out.

When the time comes to climb out, i will, of course. And i will leave everything behind, as i should. It is not so difficult as i once thought it was. Perhaps it is what they call making a mountain out of a moehill. Strange expression, that. I doubt it'll ever catch on.

I think i've written too much for a day as fair as this morning.

21st-HCI
28th-SRJC or TPJC (can't remember)
2nd-SRJC or TPJC
5th-CJC

all matches at kallang netball centre. i don't know the timing though.

Living in a world with no air

The Netball season starts on the 21st of April. The schools in our group are, HCI TPJC SRJC and CJC. Can't say it's a bad grouping.

I realise what's been holding me back. I finally understand the true meaning of believing in yourself. And if i don't stop living and going through the motions as if the battle is already lost, then truly, it is. I have to throw myself in, and finally fight for something like i've never had to before. Everything has to take on a new perspective and i must convince myself. Convince myself that dreaming the impossible is next to materialising it. Take this on with both feet in, with my heart and soul on the line. Time is running out. I can't allow myself to be the very source that feeds my doubts and fuels my lack of faith. There are enough people out there to do that for me. No time to be afraid. So when you ask me again, i have a different answer for you. And when you ask me again, i'm going to raise my hand. Let my shout be heard. There is no we'll-see-how-it-goes, there is no i'll-take-what-i'm-given. There is only, this is what i want, and this is how i'm gonna fight for it.

Nationals Top 4

Two more weeks til the start of season. How much ground will i cover? I'm done waiting for something to fall out of the sky. Gotta set my screwed-up priorities straight for once.

I think i desperately need tuition. I'm never gonna cope with my schoolwork at the rate i'm going. Physics and math tuition sounds good. I've gotta learn how to plan my schedule so that i get the most out of everyday, and i've gotta learn how to place the more important things first, whether i like it or not. I plan to keep both ccas, but not at the expense of my studies. I may love both sports, but not at the expense of my studies. God i have to keep telling myself that. Well i'll start with small changes. One thing at the top of my list is improve my shooting. I've never faced the pressure to have an impeccable shooting percentage. But by god, do i feel it now. Well i'll just have to make up for the lack of natural talent by practicing til i can do it with my eyes closed. Again, back to my point of organising my days. NO MORE LATE NIGHTS. Seriously. The mum is right. They must reduce my ability to focus by 50% or something. Okay so i'm gonna sleep early and find time to practice my shooting more. For now, JUST FOR NOW, my hands are off my books for awhile. Yes it's scary, but i really don't see how i can achieve one without letting go of the other. I shall just aim to finish homework and assignments for now. Midyears are gonna be a mad rush of revision and catching up but that's the price i'll pay. Next i'm gonna maximise breaks and free time in the morning to practice my shots. Wow i'm hardcore man. If only VJ wasn't so sticky about ball games in uniform, that would make life so much easier. Also, i need to start paying attention in all classes, else i'd just be wasting time in the LTs.. Where's the sense in that? It's a case of since i'm seated here with nothing better to do, i might as well listen so that when i'm chionging for midyears, i won't be so clueless.

Finally, floorball. I expect with the start of the netball season, i won't be able to make it for the only floorball training i go for every week. And it's a confusing issue i guess. And i feel extremely uneasy about the whole arrangement. Currently i train with line 1, and when i'm not at training Yan (the coach) places another girl in my spot. My being MIA for my whole netball season is not good for me. Not good at all. So this issue i'll have to think over some more. Though i highly doubt i'll come to anything conclusive with this one.

Well. One heck of a long post. And if you were reading any of it, you'll probably know that these will get fewer and further between.

the smell of you
still gives me chills
i don't know why i do this to myself

Sing for you with every intention, and every damned notion.

feel like crap.

Destroy the World (it started with you)

I just feel like writing an entire post full of lyrics. Ever had that urge strike you? Ranging from obscure never heard before songs to those so overplayed and so obvious you failed to really listen to them. But i know to type them out and have them splayed across the screen does their beauty no justice. Lyrics are meant to be listened to, not read. Listened to, and felt. How do i do this?

I'm battle-scarred
but I am working oh so hard
to get back to who I used to be
Near to you - A Fine Frenzy

See what I mean? You simply cannot truly immerse yourself in something you're so detached from. It's a shame really. Some words are so beautiful it hurts.

Just to put your mind at ease,
You don't owe me anything
You paid me well in memories.

And I think of you whenever life gets me down
I think of you whenever you're not around
And you rest your bones
Somewhere far from my own
Yeah but you still pull me home
Yeah you still pull me home.
You still pull me home.
I Think of You - A Fine Frenzy

I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
coffee-laced, intoxicating,
on her lips.
Shut it out, I've got no claim on you now.
Not allowed, to wear your freedom down.

Is there a chance, a fragment of light at the end of the tunnel, a reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?
Ashes and Wine - A Fine Frenzy

crap. that's like lyric diarrhoea.

Got me out here in the water so deep
If you ain't here I just can't breathe
There's no air, no air.