Living in a world with no air
The Netball season starts on the 21st of April. The schools in our group are, HCI TPJC SRJC and CJC. Can't say it's a bad grouping.
I realise what's been holding me back. I finally understand the true meaning of believing in yourself. And if i don't stop living and going through the motions as if the battle is already lost, then truly, it is. I have to throw myself in, and finally fight for something like i've never had to before. Everything has to take on a new perspective and i must convince myself. Convince myself that dreaming the impossible is next to materialising it. Take this on with both feet in, with my heart and soul on the line. Time is running out. I can't allow myself to be the very source that feeds my doubts and fuels my lack of faith. There are enough people out there to do that for me. No time to be afraid. So when you ask me again, i have a different answer for you. And when you ask me again, i'm going to raise my hand. Let my shout be heard. There is no we'll-see-how-it-goes, there is no i'll-take-what-i'm-given. There is only, this is what i want, and this is how i'm gonna fight for it.
Nationals Top 4
Two more weeks til the start of season. How much ground will i cover? I'm done waiting for something to fall out of the sky. Gotta set my screwed-up priorities straight for once.
I think i desperately need tuition. I'm never gonna cope with my schoolwork at the rate i'm going. Physics and math tuition sounds good. I've gotta learn how to plan my schedule so that i get the most out of everyday, and i've gotta learn how to place the more important things first, whether i like it or not. I plan to keep both ccas, but not at the expense of my studies. I may love both sports, but not at the expense of my studies. God i have to keep telling myself that. Well i'll start with small changes. One thing at the top of my list is improve my shooting. I've never faced the pressure to have an impeccable shooting percentage. But by god, do i feel it now. Well i'll just have to make up for the lack of natural talent by practicing til i can do it with my eyes closed. Again, back to my point of organising my days. NO MORE LATE NIGHTS. Seriously. The mum is right. They must reduce my ability to focus by 50% or something. Okay so i'm gonna sleep early and find time to practice my shooting more. For now, JUST FOR NOW, my hands are off my books for awhile. Yes it's scary, but i really don't see how i can achieve one without letting go of the other. I shall just aim to finish homework and assignments for now. Midyears are gonna be a mad rush of revision and catching up but that's the price i'll pay. Next i'm gonna maximise breaks and free time in the morning to practice my shots. Wow i'm hardcore man. If only VJ wasn't so sticky about ball games in uniform, that would make life so much easier. Also, i need to start paying attention in all classes, else i'd just be wasting time in the LTs.. Where's the sense in that? It's a case of since i'm seated here with nothing better to do, i might as well listen so that when i'm chionging for midyears, i won't be so clueless.
Finally, floorball. I expect with the start of the netball season, i won't be able to make it for the only floorball training i go for every week. And it's a confusing issue i guess. And i feel extremely uneasy about the whole arrangement. Currently i train with line 1, and when i'm not at training Yan (the coach) places another girl in my spot. My being MIA for my whole netball season is not good for me. Not good at all. So this issue i'll have to think over some more. Though i highly doubt i'll come to anything conclusive with this one.
Well. One heck of a long post. And if you were reading any of it, you'll probably know that these will get fewer and further between.
the smell of you
still gives me chills
i don't know why i do this to myself
I realise what's been holding me back. I finally understand the true meaning of believing in yourself. And if i don't stop living and going through the motions as if the battle is already lost, then truly, it is. I have to throw myself in, and finally fight for something like i've never had to before. Everything has to take on a new perspective and i must convince myself. Convince myself that dreaming the impossible is next to materialising it. Take this on with both feet in, with my heart and soul on the line. Time is running out. I can't allow myself to be the very source that feeds my doubts and fuels my lack of faith. There are enough people out there to do that for me. No time to be afraid. So when you ask me again, i have a different answer for you. And when you ask me again, i'm going to raise my hand. Let my shout be heard. There is no we'll-see-how-it-goes, there is no i'll-take-what-i'm-given. There is only, this is what i want, and this is how i'm gonna fight for it.
Nationals Top 4
Two more weeks til the start of season. How much ground will i cover? I'm done waiting for something to fall out of the sky. Gotta set my screwed-up priorities straight for once.
I think i desperately need tuition. I'm never gonna cope with my schoolwork at the rate i'm going. Physics and math tuition sounds good. I've gotta learn how to plan my schedule so that i get the most out of everyday, and i've gotta learn how to place the more important things first, whether i like it or not. I plan to keep both ccas, but not at the expense of my studies. I may love both sports, but not at the expense of my studies. God i have to keep telling myself that. Well i'll start with small changes. One thing at the top of my list is improve my shooting. I've never faced the pressure to have an impeccable shooting percentage. But by god, do i feel it now. Well i'll just have to make up for the lack of natural talent by practicing til i can do it with my eyes closed. Again, back to my point of organising my days. NO MORE LATE NIGHTS. Seriously. The mum is right. They must reduce my ability to focus by 50% or something. Okay so i'm gonna sleep early and find time to practice my shooting more. For now, JUST FOR NOW, my hands are off my books for awhile. Yes it's scary, but i really don't see how i can achieve one without letting go of the other. I shall just aim to finish homework and assignments for now. Midyears are gonna be a mad rush of revision and catching up but that's the price i'll pay. Next i'm gonna maximise breaks and free time in the morning to practice my shots. Wow i'm hardcore man. If only VJ wasn't so sticky about ball games in uniform, that would make life so much easier. Also, i need to start paying attention in all classes, else i'd just be wasting time in the LTs.. Where's the sense in that? It's a case of since i'm seated here with nothing better to do, i might as well listen so that when i'm chionging for midyears, i won't be so clueless.
Finally, floorball. I expect with the start of the netball season, i won't be able to make it for the only floorball training i go for every week. And it's a confusing issue i guess. And i feel extremely uneasy about the whole arrangement. Currently i train with line 1, and when i'm not at training Yan (the coach) places another girl in my spot. My being MIA for my whole netball season is not good for me. Not good at all. So this issue i'll have to think over some more. Though i highly doubt i'll come to anything conclusive with this one.
Well. One heck of a long post. And if you were reading any of it, you'll probably know that these will get fewer and further between.
the smell of you
still gives me chills
i don't know why i do this to myself
Labels: Distracted and Wounded
posted by therese at 8:55 PM
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