Go back to what you know.

You're not improving my mood.

Stupid mistake! Forgot to post Form P and tmr's a PH.

I think I die.

I've never felt it, like I felt it tonight.

Why? Why did my chest go so tight, and my heart clench so hard? Why do these warm tears fall so freely?

I've never heard it, like I heard it tonight.

ROYALLY ANNOYED

One last cigarette.

oh em gee sweetest thing ever :)

"This morning, as I was about to leave for work, my boyfriend danced into the kitchen singing a made up song consisting of only my name, over and over.

When he saw me, he turned red and said “Oh, you’re still here”.

Sneaking a peak in the daily routine of someone who really loves me GMH."

My foot really really hurts from the slight tumble I took down my stairs today.

I think there'll be a huge badass bruise covering it tomorrow.

I know you're scared,
and my answers aren't enough,
but I'll do you right,
treasure you,
won't trade you for anything or anyone.

Why?

"I think that when you fall in love with someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. It’s like you find something else to love about them everyday."

The way you laugh, the way you scrunch up your nose, even the way you blink. Every day I spend with that you is like an adventure into your soul.

I don't know what I've been trying to prove. I'm hopeless, helpless, when it comes to you.  

Taking today too.

That's the beauty of you being an island. Anyway I've clocked 9 ish hours of sleep, realized my assumptions last night were way off track, and got a whole itinery planned out for today. I'm so in my own groove. I shall finally settle my uni acceptance, then head out. World's my oyster.

Ciao! :)

Aha! Excitement :) this shit is dope.

Tryna get a hold of smoke on water,

The way I see it, shopping helped ease my mind of things temporarily. But I should have known that I can't be left alone with my racing thoughts. Now, the one I need isn't here. He is nowhere.

Is it just your guilt talking?

"Babe, how much would you like to bet that he won't call?"

K doesn't have faith in his fellow male counterparts.

Sleeping lonely tonight.

Please feel better soon.

Girlfriend on Demand.

The boys lost to RJ today. I don't really have much to say about that. Tomorrow is the finals for the girls :) I really miss being on a team.

JB is upset about something and he won't tell me what. I've psychoanalysed his silence and came up with a few possible motivations behind his keeping mum.

1) He doesn't think I'll understand.
2) He doesn't want to worry/trouble me.
3) He's actually upset with me and doesn't know how to appropriately channel his unhappiness.
4) He's being drama by keeping me in suspense.
5) He hasn't properly formed his thought into words &/or is confused.

He's been glued to his phone the whole night and left my place in a huff. I suspect it's some family thing. So 1) is highly probable. 2) kinda ties in with that too. I doubt it's 3) or 4), or at least I hope not. 5) can easily be solved if he'd just talk to me about it. He just gets it into his head to be troubled about something and builds up these walls that I have no aptitude for breaking down. I think I'll just wait for him to come to me.

Go ahead, take your time.

"Intimacy is a four syllable word for: Here is my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy. It’s both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with, and impossible to live without."

-Grey's Anatomy

hahahahaha

Frustrating.

On my way home today I stopped by pet safari to peer at the puppies again. Ironic that for the first time in my life when I finally feel emotionally ready to get a dog, I'm off to uni and can't keep one.

Baby says he reads my blog every day :)

Hello, I'm happy.

We made the most delicious chocolate fondant today. Rich and moist and oozing chocolatey goodness. Sucks that I have work tmr. Today was just so perfect :)

ONCE MINE, ALWAYS MINE.

I don't know what that is, but we have it.

Sleepy + Bad Mood

Men are selfish.

All I ask is that you feel the same way, even when I'm being an idiot. Cause you know, that might happen quite a lot.

Paying it forward.

Powerful concept. I don't give it enough thought.

don't tell me you can't see what I'm thinking of

25 Things you should know about Other People


1. Most people hide their suffering better than you think, you pass dozens of people a day on the street without any idea how well they’re wearing their tragedies.

2. People’s names are the sweetest sounds they hear. You should make a point of being good at learning and using them.

3. People love to spread their misery around, but not as much as they enjoy being lifted out of it.

4. Being young is not in and of itself an achievement. Neither is being beautiful. But people often treat you as if they are.

5. For a lot of people, music is a reflection of who they are and their relationship to life. Remember that before insulting someone’s favorite band.

6. The Golden Age never existed. People are always trying to get back to a time when things were simpler and better. The world was a far more dangerous place fifty years ago, especially if you were black or a woman or gay or diagnosed with cancer.

7. Most people, whatever their choice of profession, feel like complete novices that are about to be found out as frauds and fakers.

8. Most people love quite helplessly, despite what they would have you believe.

9. Show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I’ll show you a man who’s bored with taking her to bed. Show me the most devoted husband, and I’ll show you a woman who feels that he’s just not doing enough. A lot of people are never satisfied because…

10. Most people have no idea what they want out of life, let alone how to get it. Most others are still waiting for someone to give them permission.

11. Whatever it is about yourself that you’re trying to hide, it’s usually the first thing someone else notices about you.

12. You should call your mother and tell her you love her. Like most women who decide to marry and have children or help take care of a dying parent, she probably sacrificed a lot of her dreams to be there for you, and she wishes that you appreciated her more for it. Susan Boyle represented this demographic powerfully, but for every one of her, was a woman like your mother who will never get that standing ovation.

13. If you tell a man about your problems, he assumes you want some sort of help or advice. If you tell a woman about your problems, she assumes you simply want a shoulder to cry on. Women rarely want to be told what to do about a problem, and men rarely want to be coddled through a hard time.

14. Creative people thrive on feedback. You can never give them enough of it, and you will endear yourselves to them mightily if you do it frequently, thoughtfully, and honestly. They understand far better than most think, the value of time.

15. For most people religion is a social commitment more than a spiritual one.

16. A lot of people who consider themselves intelligent can’t properly label all the states on a map, or all the countries in Europe, let alone Africa or the Middle East. Most couldn’t list off the ten commandments, five pilars, or the amendments of the Constitution, and feel that politics are too complicated to bother with understanding, let alone talking about.

17. A lot of Christians have never, and will never, read the Bible. Most of them will conduct their lives exactly as they would if they’d never attended a single church service. It is nearly impossible to tell a Christian from an atheist by their actions alone. Both Christians and atheists will probably find the previous statement offensive.

18. For nearly every crazy idea, you can find a fully credentialed scientist who will back it up.

19. People are more frequently kind and compassionate than they are fooled by our manipulations or lies.

20. Life often works in reverse. People treat strangers more politely than their family or friends. People will ask a friend’s band to play their party for free, will call their best girlfriend to come over and cut their hair without a thought to payment, but would never dream of calling a mechanic they found in the phonebook and asking them to donate their time and labor to fix a broken down car.

21. Everyone has done something they would be desperately embarrassed for anyone else to know about.

22. Never joke with a man about his sexual performance, and never joke with a woman about her appearance. No matter how much they make fun of these things in themselves, never, never do it for them. They may laugh along with you, but you’ve just driven a tiny needle into their brain.

23. Most women get married because they want to have a wedding, most men get married because they are ready to settle down with a woman for the rest of their lives. Women, statistically speaking are more likely to suffer clinical depression if married, and initiate upwards of 80% of all divorces citing irreconcilable differences. People expect a significant other to change their lives and make them happy without any conception of how this change will take place. Sort of like assuming a college degree is going to guarantee you security in life without ever thinking of how this can be practically possible. I call this the “If you build it, they will come” approach to romance and one out of every two times it ends in divorce.

24. Most people are worried they’re not having as much fun as they should be. This usually makes men cheat and women nag.

25. When you insult or offend someone, always admit it and apologize promptly, even if it wasn’t your intention or you had no idea. It is always better to be a penitent villain than to appear so socially inept as to not recognize when you’ve hurt the people around you. An evil genius is someone to bring to your side, a blundering fool is someone to keep as far away from you as possible.

''You deserve to be with somebody
who makes you happy,
somebody who doesn't
complicate your life.
Somebody who won't hurt you.

I've found my person.

So tell me, have you promised her "forever" yet?

I didn't believe in eternity yesterday, I don't today, and tomorrow doesn't look too good either.

Eat this, mofos!

Okay I'm just a little bit dog-obsessed.

I didn't know what my heart would do.

I love the weekends. I wish I could have a month of weekends. Anyway I'm BFB again, blogging from bed. I'm trying to decided what to wear later. I'm meeting JB to watch animal farm :)

Look where I am now.

Once in awhile I get this strong urge to summon up every ounce of snob and bitch I have in me, take everything I've achieved, throw in an overdose of conviction, and shove it up your underserving ass. I imagine it to burn and hurt like a right motherfucker.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

I've stumbled onto something so intense, yet so precious. It's greater than the both of us, and more fragile than our hearts. It makes me feel small and powerless, but it lifts me, makes me larger than life. All I can do is let go of my fears and hug the wind. Yet you can't hold something so powerful too tightly, or you'll get burnt. I don't want to get burnt, not when I finally feel like I've got it right.

Are you here?