I feel a little battered.

Most times, I let little things accumulate til it becomes one big ball of "reason" that I throw out at you when I feel the need to persecute you. I should just resolve them when they are still little. I read too much into small issues, I am too resourceful at uncovering half truths, I relate too many present emotions to past experiences. To a point where its unfair to you. Why do I always compare myself to you?

I don't know.

I think in my head, if I can do this, you should be able to as well. If I can tell you where I'm going, at what time, with whom, and why. It shouldn't be a problem for you to do likewise. If I can spend a few hours with you without texting a guy friend every other 5 mins, you should be able to too. If I can tell you honestly, "hey I need to step out of the room to make this call for awhile," instead of pretending to go to the toilet, then why the hell can't you?

But my demands are unrealistic and if I push this further I'll just tip you over the edge.

I think I need to do a lot more growing up.

Here I go again

Being completely neurotic, ruining everything for us.

(Sudden flashback of a time years ago when I sat on the grimy floor, heart racing, nothing made sense, laughed a nervous laugh with an old friend. I still haven't told him why I was acting crazy. Probably never will. I remember his smell though, and how I let him down.)

We are different people now, with different people to hold.

once again.

i just dont know how to shut up.

Poor neglected blog o' mine.

Sorry, brb.

“It seems that it is madder never to abandon one’s self than often to be infatuated; better to be wounded, a captive and a slave, than always to walk in armor.” — Margaret Fuller

Double Standards.

Cooling off now.