Basically, in short, very briefly.

I've had a very eventful past week. From family to boyfriend to school. Highs are high and lows are well, rock-bottom. I have it pretty good, somethings I don't deserve, and maybe explioted that luxury a little too much. Everything tipped over and exposed the wrongness of my lifestyle and certain choices I made in the past. JB has been my rock and strength through all the hours spent moping, regretting, tears of confusion. I've never needed anyone quite like I need him. Then yesterday was the release of A level results. It's true I probably didn't know how to express my happiness with everything that's been occupying my mind. I was just immensely relieved, and that relief channelled itself into a warped hope that things will slowly go back to normal. Or hope that my mum will be proud of me. Everything I went through last year, every tiny battle with myself, every mood be it despair or anger, every person I vouched to not let down, every person I promised to prove wrong. Nothing compares to my desperate hope that my parents will appreciate my struggles, and will stop feeling like I've let them down. I don't know what else I can do for them.

I feel like I've derailed in a way. I was always supposed to be the perfect daughter. From my easy-going nature as a toddler to my quiet obedience as a child, teenage-hood has brought me off that path so many times. I guess it's unrealistic to wish to be everything. I want to give them good grades, no worries, be a trustworthy source of happiness. But wrong choices just always get in the way. I want to be perfect in their eyes. That's all I ever wanted. But I don't think nor act the part. Straight As hardly solve anything.

Tomorrow is paramore's concert. I shall get lost in it.